Political health

As we know, the state of male health in Norn Iron is pretty poor. No surprise that, us being the country that gave the world panady, boxty and the Ulster Fry, but I have the answer. The picture shows a trendy new residential complex planned for Bristol or somewhere equally undeserving. Bring it to Belfast, says I. It'd make a great new parliament building.

In the spirit of equality, the buildings are part orange part green, and politicians would have a full range of fitness facilities on hand, including an athletics track on the roof. Ulster politicians, as we know, have a penchant for going round in circles, and boy does this give them all they need. DUP members can huff and puff to their hearts' content, and Sinn Féin leaders can enjoy rooftop views again. Those who lean to the left can go anti-clockwise, those who tend towards the right can go round the other way. And David Ford can go straight on.